On Growing Up

I decided to add extension to the blog's original title, "The Dimwitted Conscience", by putting two extra words, "Grows Up", that would change the course of the blog. Looking back to 2008, the year when I first started this blog, I posted many unnecessary ranting in regards to my struggle in finishing college. Though come to think of it, the rants were actually necessary in venting out my frustration over the classic problem faced by many university students: wrapping up the final assignment that is the undergraduate thesis. So I basically bitched about how hard it was keeping up with all the thesis business. If I gotta be honest, the reason why I came up with the title "The Dimwitted Conscience" for my blog was not only because I enjoyed self-deprecating humor, but I also felt that I was lacking the agility to finish my study. I thought that the name was just appropriate considering the circumstances I was in back then. Another reason was because I was afraid that I would not be able to impress people through my writing, thus providing preamble which suggests that I may not be bright and witty could lower the expectations of my readers. I know, so much for being so confident lol.

Of course, I managed to graduate college despite having to take six years and transfer to another department to achieve that. After landing my first office job and moving out to Jakarta in January 2010, I continued to infrequently blog about the life I led in the capital. I devoured the challenging independent living in a city which many have said reeks with evils and devilish temptations. I started to share more useful posts instead of the usual constant blabbering by documenting trips or publishing reviews. It was not until 2013 that I unintentionally learned how to write fiction in Jakarta Couchsurfing Writers' Club where I initially joined merely to find a group of strangers to whom I could come out of closet without fear of getting caught or, worse, being rejected by those whom I knew through my essay. I was thinking even if these people rejected me, I would simply never come back. No hassle because they did not know me. Surprisingly, they loved my essay instead and made my work as the winning piece for that week. Since then, I kept coming back to the weekly meeting. After running out of true story that relates to myself as the weeks progressed (the club has different topic to write each week), I was forced to make up a story that would accommodate any topic of the week, and that's when I began to write short fiction and shamelessly post them here. That's also when I retreated from writing essays or sharing my life on the blog, partly due to fear of revealing too many secrets about myself.

My first gathering with the writers' club fellows in March 2013. Pardon the poor lighting.

Then my life turned upside down in the beginning of 2015 when all hell broke loose in my tiny universe. I quit my job, got miraculously sponsored to join a meditation workshop in Jakarta for a week that has forever changed my life and even went nearly financially broke to fund myself to learn more about meditation in Nepal and India respectively. However I believe that I have been voluntarily consciously willingly investing in myself greatly -the thing that I later realized I had never done during the first 29 years of my existence. I can honestly feel that I've now grown into a better human being and I'll keep on growing to be the best I am supposed to be. Hence, The Dimwitted Conscience Grows Up.

The family that catapults my growth

One of many things that I've learned throughout the journey to be who I am today -approximately 20 days away from my thirtieth birthday- is that I have to be honest, be myself and be good which has become the most powerful guidance in living my life now. Therefore, from this moment forward, I will dedicate this blog to serve my purpose here on earth to be a blessing for others by being honest, being myself and being good.


Love and light,
Bagia

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