I could not recall how I got here in the first place.
The bellboy smiled at me when he was hastily passing by. I felt bad because I was not able to even lift the corner of my lips one bit. I tried my old trick. I stood still, turning my head up to the giant chandelier hanging on the ceiling, allowing the gravity to pull my lips to form a smile. It worked. A joker smile. But still, it was a smile nevertheless.
The rolling door opened as a woman walked in, followed by the bellboy who effortlessly dragged her seemingly light luggage. I threw the joker smile to the woman who immediately averted her gaze away. Bitch.
My head turned to the huge mirror on the wall. I saw a man staring back at me. His pale face looked contrast with the dark circle forming his wide eye-bags, as if someone had punched him in the eyes. Or he looked like he just cried a river. A river that eventually ran dry.
I stepped closer towards the mirror and he drew himself closer as well. Emptiness was reflected through his eyes.
The eyes that used to look excited, amused, and hopeful.
The eyes that once were bright with love and happiness.
The eyes that just witnessed the wife laying bare-chested with another man.
The eyes that just squinted at the wife's left chest.
The eyes that instructed his hands to point out the gun to the wife.
The eyes that summoned all the pain inside his heart and ordered the finger to pull the trigger.
|I Did Not Kill My Wife|
Jakarta, September 2014